6 weeks out!

Wow..... Today has been the day that I have been dreaming about for the past nine years.. I have no idea how to write this and really make you undertand what it has been like.  I regret that some of you know far to well what the past few years have been like.  While I did try to hide the pain as best I could I had begun to really struggle in the past two years to hide the pain from my coworkers, students, family, and friends. I hated that I could not fight it enough to not show how weak I had become.   I started to just go to work come home, not hang out with my friends or family and hide as much as I could.  

In respect to this I want to say how truly sorry I am! I have acted like no persons friends, or family member.   I have had time to think back on the past and truly see how much I did pull away from all of you.  I missed important parts or your lives and important moments that I should have been apart of.  It hurt me then believe me.  I am not in anyway trying to make excuses for myself but I was truly just trying to survive each day.  

Everyday I would wake up and know that it would be no different than it had been yesterday that it may even be worse.  I tried so hard to have a smile on my face for my students.  I tried so hard to hide how bad it really was by smiling or just ignoring the pain.  With only certain people knowing my tricks or secrets for hiding it.  This is why I pulled away I was secretly drowning and did not want to take anyone else with me.   I know that I must have hurt so many people, but I also learned who wouldn't let me push them away.   

Pirc thank you for looking at me everyday and loving me.  Thank you for picking up medicine holding my hand in the hospital.  Trying to hide how scared you were during my brain surgery and telling me that it was always going to be OK.  That we would always work it out.  For kissing me every morning with your positive attitude. I am beyond excited for the future to come.  

  

Mom thank you for understanding! I was lucky enough in an awful way to have someone who understood the pain.  Thank you for being my inspiration for pushing through and not letting this ruin my life.  Thank you for forcing me to make appointments.  Thank you for coming to countless doctors appointments with me.  But most of all thank you for just being my mom and loving me more than any mom could love their kids.  

Dad thank you for planning a trip to distract me.   Thank you for knowing how scared I was and distracting me all summer.  Thank you for making my DREAM come true.  I saw every place I wanted to see before this surgery and in every place we met someone that helped to guide me.  It was as if you were my spirit guide showing me to people and places that made the decision to have this surgery an easier one.   Thank you for spend countless nights in past in the hospital with me.  Thank you for the trips to the ER.  Thank you for all the times that you called the doctors office for me.  Thank you for loving me so much! 

Nick thank you for your ever present positive attitude.  Thank you for sending me quotes and books that got me through some very tough times.  Thank you for telling me that some day we would figure this out.  Thank you for forcing me to do things.  Thank you for encouraging my adventure spirit again.   I loved it this summer.  For all of the trips to the hospital over the year and especially during this past surgery thank you.  But most of all thank you for loving me and being one of my best friends.

Sissy thank you for always explaining things that I do not understand.  Thank you for telling me I had to do things that I did not wan't to.  Thank you for calling EVERY nurse at the hospital to update them about me and to hear my update.  I know that it helped my recovery.   I have been blessed to have you as a sister! 

Brittany thank you for being there always.  Thank you for telling me I was not going crazy even when I felt like I was.  Thank you for understand when I couldn't go out.  Thank you for forcing me to go out when you knew that I could.  Thank you for being my nurse for picking me off the ground.  Thank you for all of the dinners.  But most importantly thank you for the calls, especially right after my surgery! Thank you for visiting right before you went to Spain! Love you so much!

Kelly I don't know someone that makes me laugh as much as you and I need each and every laugh that you created each time.  Thank you for the lunches and dinners and the distractions.  But also thank you for understanding when I couldn't do something.   Thank you for all of the visits recently and coming to the hospital even when I told you not to!

Christine AKA Little Wetzle thank you for all of the visits in the hospital and out.  Thank you for all of the books I needed each and everyone! Thank you for talking about work and challenges in the classroom to distract me.  Thank you for always being a person that will support me!

A Phi's thank you all! Each call, text, and visit meant more to me than you know! You girls are my family and I didn't ever know so many year's ago when I picked the house I would luck out to find so many of you that would love me and take care of me through the years so well.  Thank you for understanding when I couldn't always be where you needed me.  You all have been so wonderful and I love each and everyone of you.  

To my co-workers thank you for the support everyday for so many years. You have seen me at some of my worst times and have had to deal with them.  I thank you for not thinking I was a mental person and for helping me through this hard time.  Thank you for helping to keep me doing what I needed to be doing.  I know that I have not always been the best coworker during this time and some of you have had to help pull the weight that I could not.  Thank you for understanding and being there.  Thank you for protecting me and keeping me sane.  

To my family thank you for all of the support that I have needed during this time.  You have all gone above and beyond.  Thank you for supporting Pirc or Jonathan depending on what side of the family you are.  I have needed both sides and have received support from both sides.  Thank you for supporting my parents, my brother and sister, and of course my husband.   I love you all so very much! 

To my friends that I have not named please do not feel that you are not important! I love you to and thank you so much and I am sorry for not being there more for each one of you!   

EXTRA GOOD NEWS! 

Now if you have made it through all of the crazy thank you's you get to hear my extra good news! The doctors appointment today was all that I could ever ask it to be.  She said that I have healed wonderfully and that everything looks amazing.  I have had no real face pain since before the surgery and that would lead the person I met with to believe that the surgery was a success.  This is now the second doctor to tell me that the surgery is a success too.   I believe that it is time to CELEBRATE!!!!!! All of the other pain I have been having is all normal pain.  I still have 6 weeks before I am totally clear but after that she does not expect to hear from me again!  I am literally crying from being so happy and relieved  right now while I am writing this.   My whole life's corse has just changed.. I know have an exciting future in front of me where anything is possible.   Pirc and I can think about doing things that I did not think we would ever be able to do.   

So bring out the champagne it worked and I am doing great!  I made the right decision!  

I am going to sign off of this blog and start a new one.  The summer is over and it has been amazing! One I will no soon forget! Here is to a bright new school year and life!